I Carry Your Heart
by thetideisrising
Summary: A collection of angst filled drabbles revolving around fitzsimmons what-ifs and realities pre and post 2x01.
1. Explosions

_Explosions_

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She's not sure why she left him; it was an impulse decision, one that she greatly regrets. If she reflects on it long enough she thinks of the time she needs to grow. The time she needs to figure herself out.

Trip came by earlier in the week, she had invited him in to the London flat she shared with Fitz, grasping onto the table as he showed her multiple videos of Fitz talking to a version of her that she could not see.

She had ordered him out, telling him that there was no need for any of this nonsense and that she would return when she was ready. When she wakes up the next morning she realizes just how much she needs him, and that she will never be the same.

She comes back two weeks later, her hair put up in a high ponytail, donning one of her famous collared sweaters, one that Fitz himself had complimented before they doomed themselves to that watery grave.

When she sprints to the lab, she finds him talking to himself, muttering phrases that sound like her name. She lets out a choked sob, and he turns to face her, his face falling.

"I'm so sorry," she sobs. "I never wanted to leave, but I had to, I had to figure out-"

Wrapping his arms around her, he presses his lips to hers and she responds back with full force.

She knows that she is forgiven.

~(~

**Hello everyone! This will be a collection of drabbles relating to series two, and they will be updated at my leisure, I do not own any of the characters or concepts in this collection. Please read and review xoxo**


	2. Mirrors

Mirrors

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Before she leaves, she pours out her heart. She knows better, but she had to help him, even if it was in the slightest way. For a month she supplied the words that he needed to find himself, held lovingly to his shoulder as she watched his face fall in misery.

Before Hydra, before even Ward, she would of stayed and fought for him. They were Fitzsimons after all, the half that each other surely needed. They were the reflection of each other, so much alike that not even their supervisors could tell then apart.

She thinks that if they were in a real relationship, one with loving words and touches, it would work out beautifully, they were, after all the other half of each other.

As soon as she jumps out of that plane, her world explodes around her. If she remembers correctly, and she always does, he was crying, she was crying, and at the end of it all, when she was with him in his bunk, she realized that she never wanted him in a situation like that ever again.

When she leaves, she does not do it for her own benefit, she does it for his. He is never going to get better if she holds his hand throughout this process.

She sneaks into his bunk in the middle of the night, pressing a feather light kiss on his lips and dropping a note in his closet.

He might not understand right away, but he will soon enough.

~(~ 

**Thank you to those who have reviewed. I do not own Agents of SHIELD. Please read and review xoxo**


	3. Take Me Back

_Take Me Back_

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He's alone in his lab again, the throbbing from the sword impaled in his heart nearly too much to take. He decided that she was still with him a while ago, but as he's getting better (inch by inch every day) he's starting to realize that she's not here.

When he's alone, he likes to think about where she's gone. He conjures up journeys of madmen and diamonds; lovers and loss. He likes to think that she's saving the world the way that they used to.

Oh! The way they used to save the world! The Engineer and the Biochemist, partners by day, nearly lovers by night. Tackling the world's most difficult problems in ridiculously short amounts of time. She, watching over the world with a gentle caress, and he watching over her with an iron fist.

Tonight when he lies down in bed with his imaginary lover, he prays for the first time in years. He prays for her to come back, for her to be safe, and most importantly, for something good to happen between the two of them

_(He thinks she's been strong far too long)_

When she comes back to him, it's in a way no one expected. He's not sure if he's ready for the change.

~(~

**I feel like I should do some more from Fitz's perspective, seeing as he is the one we see the most effected by her leaving. I'm not sure though, I always preferred to write in Jemma's perspective. Who else is freaking out about last night's new promo? I sure as heck am. Thank you to all of those wonderful people who left reviews, and please review! xoxo**


	4. A Change In The Weather

_A Change In The Weather (inspired by Ron Pope's A Drop In The Ocean)_

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On the train to Boston, she cries. It was their favorite place in the states, and they had bought a small flat there. An elderly woman hears her sobbing in the bathroom, and when she comes out, she embraces a stranger.

The woman sits her down in the coach car, and even though her American accent carries the drawl of the south, she finds her the easiest person to talk to since Fitz's mother.

Nursing a cup of hot chocolate, she tells the story from the beginning, the story of how she was always alone, always alone, until she reached the Academy. She tells this stranger about how she thinks this man hates her, and soon enough they become lab partners and best friends, solving issues in the safety of their lab.

She tells the woman about the field, and how after she nearly committed suicide, a shift in their relationship happened, one that happened so quickly she was not even sure that anything had changed at all.

As she continues on, she tells the woman of how she slowly fell in love with him all over again, and how they would have been together had it not been for Ward. She tells her of the near death experience they both faced and how he told her that he felt more than friendship and how she was the only one who could survive this.

When she finishes her story, tears streaking down her face, the old woman placed two hands n both of her shoulders. Looking up she sees the old woman's face fall to a small frown, and after she whispers words of encouragement, Jemma departs the train with the number of Joan Fisher and a mission.

~(~  
**Thank you all you lovelies who have reviewed! You all get virtual cookies ;) I started writing a fic about Simmons' experiences spying for Hydra, so when I put that up I'll let ya'll know. Please read and review! xoxo**


	5. Let Me Go

_Let Me Go_

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Walking in the city has always been one of her favorite activities. The feeling of the crisp autumn air on her face is euphoric. New York City in particular is one of her favorite places on the planet. Fitz hates it, and every time she drags him here to see a show, he growls the whole car ride. She thinks that he secretly likes it.

Now, she sits alone in Seaport, sipping her warm coffee and people watching. He used to do this with her, she thinks, and it's ruining her. She finds the world weird without her work, and she wants to go back. Back to May, the mother figure in her life that she desperately needed. Back to Coulson, the man that taught her how to flourish in a high-pressure community. Back to Skye, the best girl friend she has ever had. Most importantly, back to Fitz, the almost-lover she chases after even today.

A man pulls a stroller in front of her, and while years ago she would of ignored the thin wires sticking out the side of it, years of SHIELD training has taught her otherwise.

Firmly grasping her coffee, she makes her way over to the man, pretending to politely ask for directions to the Brooklyn Bridge, when in reality, she can navigate New York like the back of her hand.

The man points her towards the looming bridge, and as she turns, she feels a blow to the back of her head. Whipping around before she began to see stars, Jemma replies by kicking him in a very sensitive place. Not wanting to attract a crowd, she wheels the stroller past the crumpled man and into the nearest ally.

Kneeling, she begins to run her fingers over the bomb, her prior knowledge from Fitz whirling in the back of her head. She begins to sob as she unwires the device, and when the threat is over with, she collapses on the ground, her ribs aching from the sobs.

When she blacks out hours later, a ginger woman in a jumpsuit grabs her and carries her to Stark tower.

~(~

**Hello lovelies! Thank you all of you who have reviewed, your kind words are helping me get through school, and as I wish to get two PhD's I will have a lot of it. I made brownies so here you go children take the brownies. Thank you so much! Please Read and Review! xoxo**


	6. God Help The Girl

_God Help The Girl_

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He is hiding in the closet when Coulson confronts her. Coulson warned him not to come but he couldn't sit and wait. He needed to know why she was there.

"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?"

He can't see anything; the damn closet is too dark. He thinks he hears the sound of a gun dropping to the floor, and he nearly sticks his head out to look at her expression.

Is she sad? Angry? Happy?

He isn't expecting to hear a small sob come from her direction.

"You think… I would _never. _Not after what they did to Leo. Not before."

Even though he can't see him, he feels the shock radiating off of Coulson.

"You said he would get better if you left."

"I wasn't lying," she said.

"I left because our lab didn't have the materials I needed to help speed up his healing process. You thought I left him didn't you? I could never do that."

She was sobbing again, and Fitz decided to make his exit.

"Jem?"

She looked up, tears glistening down her cheeks.

"Leo?"

"I forgive you," he said.

She launched herself into his embrace.

~(~

**Who else is loving the new clip from Making Friends and Influencing People? God Help The Girl is actually one of my favorite songs so my life was made when it was in there. I'm sorry guys, I love Fitzsimons, but Jemma is my favorite character from everything I watch/read religiously, and I am so proud of her, even if she is working for Hydra. When she woke up in the morning, it looked like she was loving work, and I was smiling throughout the entire clip. My one-shot Defend Me In Battle will be up in a little bit for anyone who is interested in reading it. Please read and review! xoxoxo**


	7. A Constant Companion

_A Constant Companion_

_ "Fear is a constant companion." – Clara Oswald, Listen, Doctor Who_

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He has never felt so alone. Mack revealed to him that she was not really here, and he does not know what to do. He misses their little talks, the way he could call her up at anytime of the day or night, and she would answer immediately no matter where she was.

He likes to think of himself as her guardian, she always wanted to make a change, but he was always too scared. Taking the role of her guardian guaranteed that he would not lose her to someone else, something that had been a fear of his ever since he met her.

His other fear, the one that prohibited him to sleep at night, was the one of her death. The one where she died in front of him and there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say to change it.

He guesses that his fears came true, she's gone, she's Hydra, and she left him for something or someone greater than him. He misses her. The old her. He's pretty sure the new one sucks.

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**This one is probably one of my favorite ones I've written so far. Virtual cookies for all of you who have reviewed! Thank you so much! Please read and review xoxo**


	8. Electric Soul

_ Electric Soul _

_ "And in all the ways I got to know, your pretty face and electric soul."_

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By the time she returned, he had already convinced himself that she left him because of her feelings.

He wasn't expecting her to return in the way that she did. Lies and façades had crumbled leaving behind what her mission really was. Hydra. She had infiltrated Hydra. Anger was the only feeling he felt. He loved Jemma and if something were to of happened to her – well, he would of killed Coulson.

Yet here she was, standing across the room from him and he couldn't find the command to breathe. The awkward conversation that followed made him want to shoot himself between the eyes. He shouldn't be the cause of her hesitation.

_Only time heals wounds_, he thought as she moved towards him.

~(~


	9. For The Love of God

_For The Love of God_

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She couldn't believe the trauma.

He had been doing fine before she left, the occasional word loss was explainable given his condition but she knew he would work out of it.

She kicks herself for believing it.

She had left to figure out the wave of emotions that was her feelings. She knew she loved him, more than anything, but was she ready to begin a relationship with someone who she couldn't live without?

When he asks her why she left, the words were sitting comfortably in the air, and as she begins to talk, Skye interrupts them. She closed her mouth immediately, her eyes glancing down at the floor an indication of anger.

Skye only raises her eyebrows. "Did I interrupt something?" she asks and her words pour venom into her veins.

"No," she spat, her eyes traveling upwards to Fitz.

He looks defeated, and she wants to assure him that she does love him.

She doesn't here as Skye begins to talk, and after staring at him for so long the sexual frustration begins to eat at her soul.

"To hell with it," she murmurs, marching across the lab to enclose his lips in a rough kiss.

She can feel the shock radiating off of both of them, and as her hands brought him in closer, her mouth vigorously sucking on his bottom lip, he began to comply.

She breaks off a moment later, her arms tightening around him.

"Skye!" she calls sharply, her eyes glaring.

The other woman squeaks, still standing in the same spot.

"Take me to Grant Ward."

~(~

Standing with ice in her eyes, Jemma glared at Ward.

"You can break my soul," she starts.

"Take my life away."

Ward's eyes begin to soften as he tries to swallow the lump that emerges in his throat as she continues her speech. He hates to admit it, but he's scared of her.

"You can beat me, hurt me, hell even kill me."

Her eyes narrowed.

"But for the love of god; don't touch him."

As Ward stared upon her in horror, she spun on her heel and stalked out.

~(~  
**Who else is so excited for this new episode? It looks like it is going to be as Fitzsimons heavy as FZZT was. Comment your thoughts!**


	10. Who Am I To Judge

_Who Am I To Judge_

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When she's left alone with the pair, she feels like the third wheel again. It had taken years of kisses on her cheeks and whispers of nothings in her ear in order to feel like she was not bothering him; a decade of trust to get where they were before the damned med-pod. She sometimes wonders what it would have been like had she not of pushed them to go into the field, and if they would have died during the Hydra attack.

She thinks it would have been the better option.

She hates this hell on earth. She hates the pain that he tries to hide behind his eyes, the guilty looks Mack sends her whenever she gets within a yard of Fitz. She hates Ward for throwing away his life when he pressed that button, but most of all, she hates herself for not thinking of another way out, and for not telling him that she loves him too.

She misses the physical contact that followed them everywhere, the way that he was always pressed into her shoulder while they worked even though they both knew that there was an ample amount of space in the lab for them to be on opposite sides. She misses the flirting and sarcasm that flowed easily between them, that spark of innocents in love that she is sure they will never get back. She misses the lingering glances between them, the way that he would grab her hand when she was anxious, and the way that he hugged her tightly after being without her for more then a few hours.

The decade she had with him will never be enough, she knows, but at the same time she thinks that God is punishing her. She never did believe in a God, but she found herself gravitating towards the idea when Fitz was in a coma, praying that there was some way to explain the suffering she was going through. Because that's what humans do, she realizes, they dream up figurines in times of trouble in order to place the blame on someone else when the matter of fact is that it is their fault alone.

She prays that one day she can look at him without seeing hell every time she stares into his soul, and by the proximity in which he is standing next to her right now, she believes that it is possible.

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**Hi everyone! Just a couple of things, if you are reading my fic Killing Her Softly, I am taking it down for now as I am unhappy with some mistakes with it. Also, I am in the process of drafting a Fitzsimons Au which should be out by next week. Thank you all for sticking with me! Please Review! xoxoxo**


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